In this way I have saved him many embarrassments. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an awkward silence. He can't think of a rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect.
During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, for he has no gift in that line, and is evidently very grateful. That pleases me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to increase his regard. He does not try to avoid me any more, which is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. We are getting along very well now, Adam and I, and getting better and better acquainted. But to think when it's a question of your son having consumption, you can show yourself up before the whole town as such a stinking old tightwad! Don't you know Hardy will talk and the whole damn town will know! Jesus, Papa, haven't you any pride or shame? And don't think I'll let you get away with it! I won't go to any damned state farm just to save you a few lousy dollars to buy more bum property with! You stinking old miser -! To hell with that! I've treated you rottenly, in my way, more than once. But God Almighty, this last stunt of yours is too much! It makes me want to puke! Not because of the rotten way you're treating me. Christ, you have to make allowances in this damned family or go nuts! I have tried to make allowances for myself when I remember all the rotten stuff I've pulled! I've tried to feel like Mama that you can't help being what you are where money is concerned.
God, Papa, ever since I went to sea and was on my own, and found out what hard work for little pay was, and what it felt like to be broke, and starve, and camp on park benches because I had no place to sleep, I've tried to be fair to you because I knew what you'd been up against as a kid. Will you let me go, for Christ's sake? Will you take that phony dream and burn it before something happens? Can't you understand that? There's no spite in it any more. You were never anything but a hard-working drummer who landed in the ash-can like all the rest of them! I'm one dollar an hour, Willy! I tried seven states and couldn't raise it! A buck an hour! Do you gather my meaning? I'm not bringing home any prizes any more, and you're going to stop waiting for me to bring them home! Pop, I'm nothing! I'm nothing, Pop.
#Death of a salesman biff monologue full
And I never got anywhere because you blew me so full of hot air I could never stand taking orders from anybody! That's whose fault it is! It's goddamn time you heard that! Why am I trying to become what I don't want to be? What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuous, begging fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say I know who I am! Why can't I say that, Willy? Pop! I'm a dime a dozen, and so are you! I am not a leader of men, Willy, and neither are you. I stole myself out of every good job since high school. You know why I had no address for three months? I stole a suit in Kansas City and I was jailed.